Goodbye May Seem Forever

I really can't believe the semester is over! It seems like it just barely begun and now we're beginning to wrap up and move on. Well, I just want to take the time to thank everyone who has made comments and even taken the time to read my blog! It's nice to know that it's actually getting out and making a difference! I have really enjoyed doing this over the course of this semester and while at the beginning I was grumbling quite a bit, I have actually learned so much about the family just by spewing out my thoughts and what I've been learning. I think the main take away from this is family life is going to be tough! I think even now I have this ideal picture of what it's going to be like to be married and have kids, but that is not reality! It's going to be HARD WORK to be a wife and mother because relationships aren't something that can just be all hunky dory all the time and fix themselves overnight. They take a lot of time and we need to make sure we are doing 100% to make it work. Obviously as you guys know I'm not married and so I get a lot of what marriage will be like based off of idealistic couples on the Internet, movies, people I know, but what I have to realize is I'm only seeing the parts they want to show people. Everyone has their disagreements and nobody is going to be runway worthy all the time. I think if I go into my future marriage with a positive, but realistic attitude, it will definitely be in my best interest and it will be happier. Today I heard a quote that went something like this: "expectations lead to frustrations". Don't know who that's by, but I agree with it! If we have all these false ideas in our heads, they're only going to make us compare our spouses to false ideals that they will NEVER be able to live up to in this life and we'll just get let down by ourselves. I think families are so worth the effort and I love mine and can't wait to find a man and get started on my own, but it will be hard.

Anyway, thanks again for reading and will I keep up with this blog? I don't know! Honestly it has been so much fun to just rant about things that are happening in life or talk about what goes on in more detail so I think you'll be hearing from me in the future, maybe when I have something interesting to say (like future men).

I love all of you and I'll talk to you soon!

Love,

Liz

For Better or For Worse?

Hello all you lovely people! Uh it seems like the semester is just wrapping up so quickly and in some ways I wish it would slow down, but I'm just so excited to get back to Virginia to be with my family this year for Christmas. Last year I ended up staying out in Idaho to be a bridesmaid for a friend and I had to miss Christmas so I think this year I'm just so much more grateful for the opportunity to get to be with them because it's hard to be away during the holidays. And even though I'm excited for Christmas, I haven't actually done very many Christmasy things. I mean I have baked tons of cookies, put up a little Grinch dude in my room, watched "White Christmas", and listened to a bunch of Christmas albums already, but I feel like I never properly so I need to get on that! Though I will be purchasing some nog tonight so that's exciting.

So I just realized I haven't updated you on the guy situation. So it turns out it wasn't going to work out which honestly, is alright by me. I mean, in some ways it would have been nice to have gone on some dates, but it just wasn't going to pan out. I actually ended up Googling "how to become a nun" the other day while I was watching The Sound of Music because I just was so sick of boys. Don't worry, I'm not actually depressed about it, I just think it's funny to talk about it like it's the end of the world. But some other exciting news is I'm going to get endowed when I get home which will be so cool because I'm going to go through with my brother and some people have asked me why I'm doing it when I'm not going on a mission or getting married and the simple way to answer that question is: I just feel like this is something I need to do at this point in my life and I shouldn't hold back just because I'm not getting married. I feel like I keep putting things off because I'm expecting to be married by this time, but I've been learning that my time table hasn't been working and I really just need to follow the Lord's plan for me because He ultimately knows when things like marriage need to happen so I should just focus on getting my own life going and then I think it'll just happen. Or so I've heard, people tell me it usually happens when they're not expecting it.

Anyway, this week we talked about divorce and remarriage which I think it a sad topic because families being broken up just seems like a sad situation. I am so lucky that I got to grow up in a home where my parents stayed together so I can't say I really know what it's like to go through a divorce, but I'm sure it's tough. We've been learning that a lot more people seem to be getting divorced now and because of the no-fault divorce thing, people can basically just end their marriage because they feel like it. A lot of people end up getting back into some type of romantic relationship because everyone wants love in their life, which means blended families. I don't know what it's like to be part of a blended family, but I would assume that it would take some adjusting. A lot of times people have a hard time with it because they don't want this new person to take the place of their own parent and they just have a lot of mixed feelings towards this relationship. I feel like some people have a lot of success with this because they have a system worked out and they blend well, while others just don't get a long and the new couple's relationship can start to crumble because they are more concerned about how well their kids are getting a long together.

I don't have much advice about what to do in a situation like this, but I would advise that if people are wanting to get a divorce, they should really consider if it's worth it because a lot of times they can cause a lot more damage and it can take time to heal. I think a lot of people forget the commitment they made and when times get tough, they just want the easy way out of the relationship, but divorce is never the easy way. If you're struggling with this, go back over your vows and really evaluate if you could do more to help the relationship because most divorces happen because of selfishness. Try to mend it before you end it.

Anyway, I hope you all have a great week!

Love,

Liz

Gimme Gimme Gimme I Need I Need I Need

Hello all my lovely viewers! Boy, let me be the first one to toss the harpoon and say this week has been EXHAUSTING! I mean not to be all whiny, but I was not exactly thrilled about coming back to school from Thanksgiving break and I could have used a few more days. But I guess it won't do any good to complain about it so I guess I'll just use this time to gush about my break! So to start, I went down to Utah and stayed with my paternal grandparents and we wasted no time getting out of Rexburg. They actually joked and said, "We were sure you'd be sitting on the ledge outside your apartment just waiting for us" which is partly true except I wasn't outside because baby, it's cold outside! OHHHHHH YES it feels so good to get to quote cheesy lyrics from Christmas music! I think I actually started listening to it on November 30th because I just couldn't wait anymore. Some of my favorite artists have been Michael Buble, Bing Crosby, MoTab (obvi, I mean I AM LDS...), the Piano Guys, and please don't shoot me down for this but...Justin Bieber. Yes I said it and I'm not going to repeat myself so I'll just move on with my story. So when we got to Utah my grandparents decided to go computer shopping FINALLY because theirs was SO old and with the tech wizard around who provided free set up, why the heck not right? So we got this really sleek desktop from HP (fav brand) and that thing is nice. So we brought it home and I set it up and then I spent all night fiddling with it and may have discovered I have workaholic tendencies because I actually forgot to eat for a while...part of all the staying up was because my grandparents want to get more into genealogy and I was trying to set up their LDS.org accounts, but for some reason my Gramps' membership number wouldn't work so I just had to call it a night.

So the next day was Thanksgiving and we had my uncle's family over since my grandparents only have my dad and my uncle so we are pretty small in numbers on that side of the family. Let me just say I think I'm the one who ate the most of everything (especially pie) so boys if you want to take me to a restaurant I promise I will eat all my food and I'll eat it really fast and then stare at you because I'm done eating which really means sharing is caring... ;)

So then on Friday my grandparents finally had me sit down with them so I could show them how to use their new computer and let me just say this was one of those times when you wanted to have a pillow handy to scream into. I swear the simplest things like just clicking on an icon, my grandma would be like "but I just don't see how you got to that" *head desk over and over* I love my grandparents, but they just aren't brave when it comes to technology. They kept saying I could do it because I'm smart and am young and I was like no, young people don't know what we're doing either, we're just willing to sit down and take risks by figuring the thing out. I happened to be on my grandparents' computer again and I was able to figure out my Gramps' LDS account finally! I went on there and said I forgot my username and it said it had already been registered under "1stMcTavish" and so I just switched it to my Gramps' new info and then walked out and was like "Well I figured out your LDS account. Apparently some idiot tried to register it and it was under this 1stMcTavish username". My Gramps then said "Oh that must have been me because I had to use it for a church calling at one point and I must have forgotten". I left the room and my grandma was like "Ha so you're the idiot". Needless to say she got a kick out of that. *face palm Liz* I also got to go see Mockingjay part 2 that night with my mom's side of the family and it was FREAKING INTENSE!! Like my aunt and I were on the edges of our seats with our coats up because it was like I CAN'T WATCH BUT I CAN'T TAKE MY EYES AWAY!!!!!! So then I came back to Idaho and that was the end of my weekend. All in all, a great break and I wish I could go back, but this just means we are closer to Christmas and I can listen to all the Christmas music I want AND I CAN DRINK ALL THE NOG I WANT AND I CAN BREAK OUT MY GRINCH SWEATER!!!!!!! OH YESSSSS!!!!! Sorry for so many stressed phrases, but this time of year is just my favorite!!

Anyway, I feel like I should probably get to the main point of my post and not bore you to death with my stories. So this week we've been talking about parenting, especially needs. Basically the main point was a lot of times, parents focus too much on the behaviors of their children and they try to correct these when they should be trying to find out the needs of the child because they could be acting out because they are in need. So now I'm going to throw in a scene from What About Bob because a) it's a great film and b) it's freaking awesome and c) I think it really applies.

This part just gets me every time! Bob is acting exactly like a needy child because he's really annoying so he's trying to get attention from Dr. Marvin because he's in really bad shape. :) We discussed how children have 5 basic needs: contact, power, protection, withdrawal, and challenge. So 1. children need to have contact from their parents or better yet, have a sense of belonging. This could mean anything, but mostly when I think of this I think of physically being there for your child. As parents we also should never hold it from them as punishment and we should give them opportunities to contribute so they feel like they are a valuable part of the family. 2) Children need to have some sense of power in their lives. They need to be able to make choices and experiment. But along with this, the parent also needs to teach them about choices having consequences and let their children be a part of deciding what their consequence should be. For the most part, parents should let their children make their own choices, but there are 3 instances where this is totally inappropriate: exceptions are too dangerous meaning the child could get hurt, it has gone too far, and others are going to be affected. Other than that, ease off the throttle and if your daughter wants to wear orange with purple, let her make that choice. 

3) Children need to have protection and this means they need to learn to be assertive. Sometimes they'll have to stand up for themselves and they need to know how to confront people in a nice way about problems. 4) Withdrawal is key because they need alone time. I know my I crave my alone time because it is the best way for me to recharge my batteries after a long day. Kids need to learn when they should take healthy breaks and then be ready to jump back into work. And 5) challenge. Kids need to take on new things because it makes them feel good when they've done something they never thought would be possible! Don't you remember a time when you just felt like doing your happy dance because you did it?! (Mine usually goes like this...) 

I know, classy right?

But in all seriousness, doing hard things build skills and makes them feel good about themselves! And we all want happy kids right? So now that we know all this, now what?

Well going back to choices, sometimes as the parent it's hard to deal with the behaviors of our children and sometimes they make bad choices in the heat of the moment. What's a parent to do if their child has a problem? Well first the parent should give them a polite request to let them know they need to knock it off, then they should use "I" statements to let their child know how it makes them feel, then they should use a firmer statement, and if all else fails, logical consequences. Logical consequences should be:

• planned in advance
• involve the child
• give if/then, when/then choices
• logically connected to natural consequence
• give choice once, then act
• be firm and friendly
• choices you can live with
• let child try again

So we're not trying to tear our child down, we're trying to help them. And it doesn't help if you ask what their consequence should be and they say something like "burn my bike in front of me" if they leave it out repeatedly.

And while this does look appealing at times...

DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!! That's not nice and I REALLY don't think you could live with yourself if you burned your child's bike.

So lesson to be learned here: kids have needs and they need to be met. Bottom line. 

Anywho, I hope you all have a fantastic weekend and I'll see you next week!

Love,

Liz

P.S. Gifs from Google and videos from YouTube.

Dad Is Great, He Gives Us Chocolate Cake

Hi! Happy Thanksgiving this week! I hope everyone is able to spend it with their families and friends. I'm down in Utah this week spending it with my dad's side of the family and it's been pretty great so far! It's nice to get away from all the hullabaloo of living in a college town and get to spend it with people I care about. I would LOVE to be back in Virginia with my immediate family because up until I came to college, I was with them every year and so it's still kind of hard not to be with them, but I'll take my extended family any day!

Anywho, so this week in class we talked about dads which is one of my favorite subjects because dads are awesome! I think it's sad that a lot of people don't put a lot of emphasis on fatherhood because in this day in age, a lot of guys just don't stick around.

To lighten the mood, I thought I'd put up some pictures of me and my dad because he is awesome!

This is when I first met my dad. He was in the Air Force when I was born, but I got to meet him a few months later.

Dad and I. We were a couple of cool cats. 

The fam before my siblings. 

And last but not least, dear old dad and I before I went off to college. I'm getting a little farklempt!

Anyway, so there's a taste of memory lane. So we discussed in class that dads have a HUGE influence on their children! I feel bad for people who didn't have a dad in their life because I don't know where I'd be without mine! Sure my dad wasn't perfect (I mean who really is?) but I love him a lot and he means the world to me! He's worked long hours at a job to put food on the table for us, he's been to EVERY performance he could make it to because my siblings and I are into music at school, he drives us around like the chauffeur, and so much more! 

My dad has taught me a lot in my life. I mean, he's not my mom, but that's okay because he's not supposed to be. Dads have just as much influence on kids as moms do. Children need to be brought up in a home with a MARRIED mother and father because kids need the influence of both. 

In class we also talked about how women can help men want to be dads and it basically came down to appreciating what they do for the family! I feel like a lot of guys have to skate through family life not getting much appreciation for what they do because they do a lot like providing clothing, food, shelter by working long hours all week, being there for their kids by supporting them at school, and the list could go on forever. Basically, guys just need to know they are being appreciated and know they're doing something right!

I think I'm going to wrap up for now and I hope everyone has a spendid Thanksgiving and you all eat tons of turkey and pie (or whatever you like to eat, and if you don't celebrate Thanksgiving, have a great week!) Sorry if this post is short, but I'm just not into my homework groove right now...

Love,

Liz 

Alpha, Bravo, Do You Read Me? Over...

Hello all! Guys I am LITERALLY on cloud nine right now. Like, it's insane! So like last week when

I mentioned I would talk about the guy I like if anything happened, well it happened!!!!

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Okay so let me lay it all out just so we are on the same page. So on Tuesday I was sitting there and was like okay I need to talk to this guy and I sat there and I ended up putting pressure on myself meaning it didn't happen, I end up psyching myself out by thinking about how weird it was to just walk up and talk to him or how everyone would judge me. Well, that night I got a visit from my Relief Society president (shout out to Tessa) and we were talking about life, things like school, how much I hate sociology, the norm. Well we started talking about dating and I mentioned there was a guy in one of my classes who I liked and then I lamented about all my failed attempts at snagging him and you know what she told me? She gave me probably the best advice I have gotten in a long time. She told me I needed to just talk to him, which I then tried to make excuses about, but then she said "you just need 20 seconds of crazy courage", you know those times when you just get a bee in your bonnet and just do things? Like that. So I made a plan. I decided to just get over the fear and so I just sat by him. And the conservation just started flowing. It was incredible! Like now that I've done it, I can't believe I was making it more complicated than it needed to be. Silly Liz. And I also realized I'm not as rusty or bad at flirting as I thought I was.

YEESSSSSSS!!!!

So anyway, that is that. I'll keep you posted if anything happens, but for now, just know I am so excited I took the leap of faith and just did it. It's so amazing what can happen when you just trust and let go of all your fears.

Anywho, so...I'm so distracted that now I don't remember what I was going to say, oh yes. So I know how much you would love me to keep blabbing about my life because it's SO entertaining, but we must get down to business, to defeat the Huns...no Liz! Real business.

Ugh fine... 

So this week in class we were learning about communication and conflict, which I have realized is something I still need a bit of work with. Sometimes I think I'm communicating when really people are just in the dark. Especially guys, but I think they're just clueless to a lot of things girls do so I don't feel too bad about that. Now, we learned in class that most of what we communicate is actually not what we say, only about 14% of what we actually say is actually how we feel. Most of it is nonverbal like body language and our tone of voice. Now, I would say this is pretty accurate because sometimes my body seems to tell people what I really mean when I don't actually want to say it. I think this is a problem a lot of girls have because we expect men to understand us by our body language, but really they have no clue. Like in my experience, I have to actually say what I want and then they do it. This makes me think of a funny example of my parents. So in my family, we like any excuse to get ice cream because we are ice cream people. So my parents were going to stake conference and my mom wanted to stop off at a McDonald's for some ice cream because it's her favorite. They're driving down the road and my mom is subtly hinting she'd like my dad to stop, but he doesn't. We have a TON of McDonald's on the way to our house and so basically, mom didn't get ice cream and she was mad. She tells me later that "I kept telling him to pull over and he didn't do it once". At the time, I was like oh my gosh what the heck, but then when you think about it, he probably would have stopped if she had actually said "I would like to stop for ice cream. Pull over to the next McDonald's." It just goes to show that men and women really need to talk more because there can be a lot of hurt between them if they don't understand how the other person is thinking and feeling. Ugh humans, when are we going to learn? 

Sometimes we might not want to bring something up because it doesn't seem like it'll be a big deal, but we really need to do it because it could lead to problems later. I had a conflict with a coworker recently and when I decided to just say what I was thinking and talk about it, the problems just went away because we had a greater understanding of how the other person saw the situation. So it ended up working out in the end to just be open and willing to talk.

Anyway, I hope all of you have a GREAT weekend and don't worry, next week I'll let you know how it goes. ;)

Love, 

Liz

Gifs are from Google.

You're Testing Me

Hello all! This is a regular post again, not me bragging about my blog or anything...because that would be prideful. ;) Anyway, this week has been...eh and I say that as has had some good moments and bad moments. I think I'm so far into the semester that everything is just ugh can I be done now?! This week I've been especially exasperated with boys because they just don't seem to ask me out on dates. Now, I'm not saying they all need to be clamoring for my hand and at my door begging, but I'm just saying a nice date where we go out to get to know each other, to become friends first before anything serious happens, would be ideal. But no. The guys are just too busy doing something else or they're just afraid because everyone seems to think any male-female interaction will lead to marriage within 3 months. Um no. Yes, I would like to get married, but I think it's important to be friends first and if guys would just man up and ask us out, we could all get to know each other.

As you might be able to tell, I have a pretty assertive personality and so this whole "sitting around waiting them to ask me" thing is really driving me nuts. I'm trying to have faith and know that my future spouse is out there, but I think faith also requires action so you'd think I'd be asking the boys out, but they don't seem to like that too much, they think it makes me "aggressive" and "desperate". *head desk*

And again...

What would you like me to do gentlemen? Sit here until I graduate? Um no. But I also don't want to come off as aggressive because guys have huge egos and like to feel like it was all THEIR idea when we all know who REALLY was doing all the behind the scenes work. Am I right ladies? But anyway, there's this guy in one of my classes whom I would like to go on a date with, but I just don't know how to go about doing this. I think he likes me because with all my psychology knowledge I was able to kind of get an idea based off of body language (me over analyzing the situation, maybe I was misreading and it was all in my head. AH I'm doing it again!!)

and so I asked some people what I should do and I got answers ranging from message him on Facebook to just talk to him. (Side note: we have never spoken in person so I thought the random message on Facebook would be a little weird, some of my guy friends agreed.) I feel like the best course of action would be to talk to him, but this is hard for me because I just don't walk up and make idle conversation with random people. So I was planning on doing this this week, so I gathered up my courage, did the whole "I'm going to put my things back in my backpack EXTRA slowly so we can walk out together", and we ended up walking out at the same time, but then our teacher ended up leaving too and they got to talking about something important and ended up leaving me in the dust. I ended up going home and calling my best friend, lamenting that it was never going to work out and this was a sign. Oh the drama. But I ended up going visiting teaching yesterday and I actually was helped by my teachee (shout out to Mckenzie, you're awesome). Anyway, she basically gave me a pep talk about meeting her fiance in one of her classes and I should keep at it. She basically just said we need to become friends and maybe this means I need to put forth effort to talk to him because maybe he's just as petrified as I am. I don't know, what do y'all think? Guys especially, do you have any tips for me?

So you might be wondering, what does this have to do with this class? Well, this week we talked about coping and how trials can be opportunities. Basically, we started off the week with Brother Williams asking why bad things happen to good people. Well, I believe this is because if only good things happened to us, we would get prideful so we get knocked down a few pegs because we need to know what the bad feels like in order to appreciate the good. We could look at trials as opportunities to strengthen relationships, become greater, and become more humble or teachable. I feel like for the most part I have been very blessed and have a good life, but it just seems like things never get any easier. I mean, I have to say after I have overcome something and something new starts, I look back and think "I can't believe I was such a wimp. That was so easy compared to this." But that's just the nature of life, constantly learning and growing. So now we know that trials CAN be looked at as something good, but we still have to go through them. This does not make them any easier to overcome. What we learned about coping is it isn't just simply getting by, it's a reaction, so we can either choose to be happy or irritated during the trial. We compared coping during trials to that of the coping of a pool. The coping of a pool is the ledge and we talked about how it needs to be smooth, strong, and keeps things where they belong.

It needs to be smooth because we don't want to hurt ourselves getting out of the pool, it needs to hold our weight because we wouldn't want to be crumbling into the pool, and it needs to be higher so it can keep the water in. I thought this was interesting because when we are coping in relationships, we need to make sure we aren't damaging ourselves and the relationships we have with people, we need to keep them strong so they can't be knocked down, and we need to keep things from getting in the middle. I don't think in my situation I need to necessarily worry about relationships with others, I need to make sure my relationship with myself is strong so I don't get knocked down during my trials. This might sound a little narcissistic (forgive me if it does), but I think before I even get into a relationship with someone else, I need to have myself figured out and be able to get through my own trials so when I do get into a relationship, I can use my skills to help us. And I'm not going to sit here and say it'll be easy because it won't. This life is meant to be difficult to help us grow.

Life is going to be challenging, but I think it'll all be worth it in the end. And who knows, maybe I need this guy in my life to teach me how to talk to people. Or maybe something could grow from this. I don't have all the answers, but I can at least try and not give up before anything has even begun.

Well, I hope you all have a SUPERB weekend and take some time to relax. I'm going to because I'm getting out of here for the weekend!!! I know, FINALLY!! A wonderful, saintly lady from my old home ward has invited me to stay with her for the weekend and I'm taking this opportunity to decompress. And hopefully next week I'll have some more stories to share with you, especially about what happens with said guy!

Love,

Liz

P.S. Images and gifs are from Google.

VICTORY SCREECH!!!

Hello again. May I just say that my day has just been made by the TA of my class. Like seriously. I don't know how many of my classmates actually read my blog, but I'm totally posting this anyway. :o)

Do you see this people? OH YES. OOHHHH YESSSS. I'm glad that people actually find my banter to be amusing.

So to celebrate, enjoy this gif:

#crushedit

And don't worry, I'll still be posting my mandatory post tomorrow, it's just so fun to post random stuff on this blog! :D

Love,

Liz

WE LOVE YOU NOGGY!!!!!

PEOPLE!!! YOU WILL NEVER GUESS SO I'M JUST GOING TO TELL YOU!!! :D

IT'S NOG TIME! OH SWEET NOG YOU ARE THE LIBATION THAT MAKES MY LIFE COMPLETE!!! AND YES THIS REQUIRES ALL CAPS BECAUSE NOG IS MY LIFE...no literally, my mom says I was gestated on egg nog because that's one of the few things she could keep down. So therefore, I love nog.

Here's me enjoying my spoils:

As you can see I'm quite excited!

Anyway, this isn't a regular post, that'll be on Thursday probably, but I just had to share this exciting moment with you!

Love,

Liz

Watch Out for Garth Flint

Hello all! I'm sure all of you are wondering what my Halloween costume looked like so I'm going to show you! (Or maybe I just liked my costume way too much not to share it with the world, whatever the case, y'all are gonna get some pictures).

First of all, teaser picture! This is the one I Instagrammed first, by the way, follow me @liztrom. Shameless promos, yeah!

A very dramatic side view of my costume. 

And last, but not least, there's little ol' me. 

Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked, but I just love getting into my costumes. And now we get to look forward to Thanksgiving AND Christmas!! AND EGG NOG!! Yay egg nog!!

Literally me like every year.

Ugh, I keep doing it, okay Liz, stay focused! No more gushing about upcoming holidays, that will come later...in other posts... :3

So, some of you may have clicked on this post thinking, "Who in the world is Garth Flint?" Truthfully, I don't really know either, my teacher told us a story in class about a guy with this name and I was thinking, "Oh that would make such a cool title!" (Sorry Brother Williams, I listen to your discussions I SWEAR! I just like making my blog cool...). So nonetheless, watch out for Garth Flint, I mean even if that's his real name. You never know, I could have totally butchered the name because I wasn't paying close enough attention. I wouldn't put it past myself...but from what I vaguely remember, I think it did have to do with our discussion about infidelity today. Which reminds me, so this week we discussed all things regarding physical intimacy and infidelity. I'm not gonna lie, it was a very interesting discussion because a lot of Mormon people just don't talk about that subject very much which I think is very sad because Mormon children grow up thinking sex is bad and it sends the wrong message. What usually happens is we are taught all our lives that we shouldn't have sex with anyone but our spouse and so the message is no, no, no, no, NO! and then we get married and all of a sudden it's yes? WHAT. I mean I'm not married yet and so I haven't been through this, but I imagine that when the time comes, it'll be a little weird to think I can basically share this experience with my spouse whenever. I mean, I think I have a somewhat basic knowledge about the whole ordeal because my parents have shared things with me when I've had questions and obviously I've learned things from all the Einsteins at school, plus time in human development classes, so I think I won't be TOO freaked out on my wedding night. 

But seriously, why are parents so afraid of teaching their children about sex? I mean we all grow up and develop those feelings for other people and most of us end up having sex so what's the problem? Sure it might be awkward to have "the talk", but would you rather them get good information from you or the kids at school? Personally I'd rather my children learn about it from me because I'll be able to give them information according to their age and they won't have to hear about all the sick nasty stuff a lot of people do in the world. I've been reading the book Between Husband and Wife: Gospel Perspectives on Marital Intimacy for another class and yes, I know I'm not married yet, but I would have to say this is an excellent book with great information. If anyone has questions about this topic, I would highly recommend checking it out. Also, if you're at the stage when you're thinking about having the sex talk with your children, I'd look into A Parent's Guide on LDS.org because it's a great resource for how and when to tell children about sex because you can actually start at a young age by explaining how their bodies work. And even though these are written by Mormon people, we're all still humans and I think this would be great information for everyone! 

And speaking of sex, infidelity is something that really isn't good for a marriage. And you may be thinking infidelity can only be physical stuff, you'd be wrong. You can be unfaithful to your spouse just by thinking about someone else! There are a few stages of infidelity that we learned about and the first is fantasies or thoughts. These can be dangerous because a murderer wouldn't just go out and kill someone first right? They'd think about it or get angry, and then do it. Everything we do begins with our thoughts. This can even be stuff like having a favorite actor and going back to pictures of them and fantasizing with this person. That really isn't fair to your spouse because you might start to build unrealistic expectations in your head that your spouse can't live up to, like porn. THAT IS NOT REAL LIFE PEOPLE. Some other forms of infidelity are visual such as literature, music, etc. and having romantic affairs or emotional connections with people. I think these can actually be more harmful than just having sex with someone because sure, you've developed that physical bond with them, but in an emotional relationship, you're sharing deep feelings with another person that allows them to get closer to you. This can be really dangerous with social media because people start to reconnect with old flames and get lost in the old days. I know sometimes it doesn't seem like you're trying to be unfaithful to your spouse, but if you're thinking about other people besides them, you are I'm sorry to say. 

So basically, be faithful to your spouse. You know, most people who have fidelity problems in their marriages actually end up staying together and they find their marriage is stronger because they've been able to work through something difficult together. I hope none of you ever have to go through this, but don't put yourself into positions where it could be a temptation. It's really not worth it. 

I hope you all have a good weekend and I just want to take this time to thank everyone who's read my blog and written comments. It really helps to know people actually read what I have to say! 

Love,

Liz 

I've Got the Blues

Happy Halloween this weekend! I hope everyone is excited to go out and have some fun that night! If any of you are wondering what I'm going to be, today is the big reveal because I promised you last week! So I'm going to be the 1939 Wicked Witch of the East. Yes folks you read that right. I'm going to be this one

minus the house. It's a pretty simple costume, all I really need are tights and red shoes which I have, but I'm going to jazz it up with a little green nail polish and a witch hat just to add to the costume. I guess it would make more sense to walk around as a house with feet, but eh, too much work. My inner Wizard of Oz fan girl is totally fan girling at this moment because I was in love with the Wizard of Oz when I was little. I think this will be the second time in my life I'm going as something Wizard of Oz themed.

Anyway, so this week I've got the blues, and no, not depression blues and I'm not singing about the blues, we're talking baby blues. And no, I'm not married and have never had a kid so not really, I just thought it would be creative.

This week we talked a lot about how after the children are born, a couple's relationship takes a strain and it goes down every time a new child is brought into the family. Like I said before, I've never had a kid strain my relationship with my invisible man so I can't say for sure this happens to everyone, but I would say this is pretty true for a lot of people.

Now, we talked in class about martial satisfaction going down because women tend to really bond with their baby and spend so much time with them that the husband starts to feel neglected. I think this would be very true for my relationship because I am the type of person who can only take so much touching and people in my space before I start to feel drained. I think if I spent a lot of my time with my baby, I probably wouldn't want to be touched by my spouse because I would just want some personal space. I could see that bringing my husband's satisfaction down because even though I had a baby and spend a lot of time with it, he still needs that physical love from me (and no not just sex), like hugs, kisses, cuddles, the whole enchilada. While I think it's not fair for me to not want to be touched all the time, I think I will need some time where I'm just by myself to recharge. I'm not saying I'll never be available for him, I just need some hands off time. I would kind of describe myself as being like a cat. When I want to be touched I am all for it, but when I don't want to be touched, well it looks a little like this:

Scary right? I don't think that would be fair of me to make my husband live like that, not knowing how to react to me or when to even talk to me. I think this is something I need to improve with because it's not fair of me to expect him to be available when I feel like it, but not be available for him.

So the other important part of avoiding the baby blues is involving the husband in every step of the way. I don't know what it's like to be pregnant, but I can assume that the man probably doesn't know what it's like either and so he can't relate to his wife and doesn't experience having a baby in the same way. I think the baby isn't real for the guy until it's actually put into his arms at this hospital. I mean, I'm sure he notices his wife changing, but he can't feel all the changes. I think one important thing a wife can do is let him feel when the baby is kicking because the mom feels it all the time and so it's probably second nature to her, but he doesn't feel it kick and so if he feels it, I think the baby will become more real to him. I also think it's important that the wife involves the husband in shopping and preparing for the baby. I think a lot of women assume he's not going to be interested in shopping for the baby and so they do it all themselves, but I think that's just because they haven't interested him in a way he'll respond to. I'm sure if you phrased it as "what do you think OUR baby should have?" he would definitely want to be involved because now it's his baby just as much as yours. And you never know, he could find the shopping experience enjoyable. But let him have the opportunity to surprise you. Also last point, I think there could be tension in the relationship if the wife is constantly at him for not doing things right with the baby. I know moms probably have a more ingrained sense of what to do, but if it's a first baby and I was the guy, I would be a little annoyed with her because it's like "Do you really know what you're even doing?" Just because he doesn't do something your way doesn't mean it's wrong, it's just a different way of doing it. Maybe he's afraid of hurting the baby and you yelling at him is only making it worse. So just cut him some slack and take a chill pill. I don't think he's intentionally trying to hurt the baby. RELAX.

So I think that's all I have to say about that. I mean I'm not a mom and I'm not married so if I'm wrong, don't quote me on any of this, but I think these are some good tips to keep in mind because marriage isn't going to be a cake walk all the time and if the baby gets in the way, it could make life miserable for both of you. Spend some time connecting and I'm sure your relationship will make it through the child stages. Also, have a happy Halloween and I'll see you next week!

Love,

Liz

P.S. The pictures are from Google.

Baby Don't Hurt Me No More

Howdy! Can you all believe October is almost over?! Like seriously, where did all the time go? Speaking of which, Halloween is coming up and boy am I excited! Now I'm not one for all the scary junk, but I do like to dress up. And I go ALL out. For the last 3 years at least I was a flapper and this meant I was a legit flapper, not just someone who put a feather in their hair and called themselves a flapper, no I did my research and looked pretty legit if I do say so myself. Anyway, I've decided to retire that getup because eh, I wanted to do something new. Now, I'm not going to tell you guys all of my Halloween ideas because I'm very particular about keeping my costume ideas a secret because they're pretty creative. I even have a Pinterest board dedicated to it (yes I know I'm lame, but whatever. I have to have some fun don't I?) So since it's closer to Halloween, I guess you'll just have to wait and come back next week to read what I'm going to be because I'm not spilling the beans! Ha, incentive. Anyway, I suppose I should stop rambling about my life and get to talking about my class, you know the drill.

So this week in class we talked about a topic that is VERY popular among people my age: love. Yes loooove *said in a sarcastic sickeningly sappy way*. So we actually talked about that yesterday in class and my professor Brother Williams (at BYU-I we call our professors by "brother" and "sister". Yeah, it kind of weirded me out too, but you get used to it. It's actually like being at church 24/7) posed the question "what is love" to which most of the class started singing, "What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more". Yeah, REAL original guys. I'm sorry if I offend anyone, but these are just the thoughts that go through my brain so yeah...anyway so we had to get with some people and discuss what love meant to us and in my group we were all like "pshh, beats me". I basically said that I think the world's definition of love is the passion that they feel with it, the overwhelming feeling of being with someone. I don't know, that's a pretty philosophical question so I was just kind of stumped. Apparently it is actually very hard for the professionals to define as well so I guess I'm not too lost, which is good. Then we discussed if love means different things in different languages which I think English should have because we have one word to describe everything we love like "oh my gosh I'm in love with this chocolate right now" or "I just love you so much"! I mean, I guess you can differentiate based on how they say it, but it's still kind of confusing. In Greek, they have four words for love: eros, philia, storge, and agape. Eros is basically romantic or sexual love, the kind that gives you warm fuzzies when you're snuggled up to your one and only...ugh it makes me sick (bitterness alert). Philia is basically brotherly love, storge is parent/child love, and agape is service and wanting to improve other people's lives. If I totally butchered those, I'm sorry world, I'm just going off of my notes. So then he asked if we can have all of these for our spouse and we mostly agreed and I think we need all of them because if we really love our spouse, we will want to have that romantic relationship, be best friends with them and love them in that way, want to protect them, and then just wish for their well-being just because. I think in a worldly sense, people think love is just those feelings you get for loving someone romantically and I think that's why a lot of people feel so unfulfilled because they crave a deeper kind of love than what happens when two people first get into a relationship because most married people know, once the passion wears off, then what? To put it bluntly, I think a lot of people suck at developing companionate love because people are selfish, they spend too much time worrying about what they will get from the relationship when they should be worrying about the other person and then their needs will just come.

Now I'm going to say I don't have experience in this department and at this point you might all be thinking "oh hogwash, why should I listen to you when you have no idea what it's like?" Well, you might be right about that. I don't know what it's like to be romantically in love with someone frankly because I haven't met anyone who I would want to feel that with (okay sort of one person a little bit, ). Sure I've gone on a decent amount of dates with guys (by the way, I'm not dating anyone if that isn't clear. I'll let that one sink in), but none of the boys I have met at BYU-I are worth their snuff. And why would I say the guys at BYU-I aren't worth the time of day? I'll tell you why: they're selfish. Most of the guys I have gone on dates with only wanted one thing and that was to noncommittal make out for however long. I have one story in particular which I'll share with you. So about a year and a half ago, my good friend (I'm not mentioning names, but guy I went out with, if you're reading this, you know who you are) decided she wanted to help me out because apparently I'm lonely, and she wanted to set me up with a guy so we could go on a double date. Naturally I wasn't going to say no because I suppose it's good to get out once in a while, and so I said yes. The guys show up and take us to the store to get some stuff for making some dessert and then we were going to watch a movie, the usual not very creative, cliche, Mormon date (this is a cue to think outside the box. If you take me out on some cliche date, it's not good because it looks like you put no thought into it and you use this idea with every other girl) and during the movie, this guy eventually puts his arm around me which I thought was pretty good since this was a first date. They drive us home at curfew and this guy says we should get together again blah blah blah, end of date. I hear from my friend a few days later that apparently that wasn't enough for this guy, apparently he wanted me to be all over him because he liked to make out with girls he went on dates with. WHOA SIR. If he had been there I would have slapped him. I can't believe he actually thought I was going to make out with him on the first date, like seriously who does that? Desperate people? Well I was like good thing I'm not seeing that douche canoe ever again.

So yeah, guys are jerks. And I won't get into the story about a guy who was using me as a placeholder while his missionary girlfriend was away because you probably don't want to hear it. Maybe if it comes up again this semester I'll enlighten you with the details, but that about sums it up. Oh don't worry, he didn't get any if that's what you're wondering. He was shut down HARD. But enough of that. Basically, when I was in high school I was so excited to come to college to meet mature guys, but it seems like they're just stuck in the high school phase. Even the returned missionaries are bad, which are mostly who I've gone out with. It's like the second they get home they're like okay, let the douchebaggery commence. Ugh morons. Do you seriously think you're going to get an amazing girl with that attitude? So to sum up yes I don't know what romantic love is like so I can't sit here and preach about how amazing it is, but I'm going to hold out for some guy who really proves he's worth it because I'm only going to go to the next step of dating with someone who is serious about me. I know my man's out there somewhere and I know he's coming, I just have to be patient. Sometimes it seems hopeless and I wonder what's wrong with me, but maybe that's just because I'm being saved for someone worth my time. I'd like to think that because if I've been doing all this work to make myself better, my man had better be on my level.

I want someone who wants the romantic stuff, but takes the time to really be my friend. I want someone who will work beside me. I want someone who will encourage me to chase my dreams because he believes in me. I want someone who loves his Heavenly Father and will put Him before me any day. I want someone who I can laugh with and probably at me because let's face it, I'm hilarious. I want someone who will protect me from other people, things, and even myself. I want someone who listens and does the little things because the little things matter. I want someone who would rather just do nothing with me than doing something extravagant. I want someone who has ambitions and dreams of his own with a drive to pursue them. I want someone who will love me at my best and at my worst because I can't promise the honeymoon stage will last forever. I want someone who doesn't tell me things are impossible, but tells me I can do it and will help me. I want someone who will love our kids. I want someone who is a worthy priesthood holder. I want someone who sees things from a different perspective and has the courage to voice his beliefs because I'm not going to be the leader all the time and make all the decisions. I want someone who wants the best for me even if he's mad at me. And I want to be all of these things for him, and more.

Ladies and gents, hold out for the person who will do these things for you and whatever else you want in a person. Hold out for someone who is worth it and isn't just there for kicks. I know the warm fuzzies feel nice and believe me, I have felt them briefly with one person before, but that's not all what love is. Wait for someone who just wants to be your friend with no strings attached and you'll find him/her. It seems life really starts to turn around when you're focused on becoming your best self and serving other people. I'm still in the process, but I have faith my person is coming.

Anyway, I hope you all have a great weekend! I know I am! I'm going to be carving pumpkins! See you next week.

Love,

Liz

Gender and All That

Hello everyone! Happy 3rd week of October! I can't believe it's already halfway through the month, time really goes by when you're having fun...mmm...nope, that's a lie. It goes by no matter what you do and even though you try and wisely use every hour of the day you find yourself falling behind you're like stop time stop...but I'm not speaking from personal experience or anything...

So this week in class, we talked about a HUGE topic in the media right now and by the title of this post, I think by now you know I'm going to talk about gender, but more specifically, gender roles and such.

Now, first I'd like to say don't get your panties in a wad, you all are free to have your own opinions of what gender means, but this is mine. So at the start of class,  we started out by discussing a quote by G. Steinham: "We badly need to raise our sons more like our daughters". Um, excuse me? Yes I understand women have been oppressed in the past, seriously as a female I say "go, fight, win" to all my fellow females, but really? Why do we need to turn men into women? I believe they are men for a reason because 1) their divine nature  2) they're physical bodies 3) why do we need more women in the world? Personally, I like being around guys better because women can drive me up the wall! It's like yes we know we have this need to connect, but seriously, can ya give a girl 5 minutes to herself without peppering her with all the questions like "OMG you look so cute today, where'd you get all your clothes" "how was your day?" Yes, thank you for the compliments and asking about my day, but I don't really feel like talking right now so I'll just go in my room now. Like do girls just not pick up on body language as fast as everyone thinks they do? I mean not speaking from personal experience or anything, but sometimes girls are annoying.

This is actually one of the things we discussed in class this week. So in the girl mind, whenever people don't talk, this means they're upset and guys are just enjoying the silence. Personally, I'm with the guys, I like quiet car rides home and just being quiet in general and when people feel the need to talk the whole time, it kind of gets on my nerves. I told this to my coworker and he was like "You'd be perfect for any guy, seriously, we don't need to talk all the time!"

But I think the differences between guys and girls are awesome and we shouldn't try and mesh ourselves together because we need each other. We also discussed how female and male babies are treated differently: females tend to be coddled and boys are kind of left on their own, but I think this is really important because as the providers, presiders, and protectors, they need to know how to take care of business and not get emotional all the time. And I'm not gonna lie, sometimes it is nice to have a stronger person around to open the pickle jar or lift something because why would I strain myself when you can do it with no problems? I mean believe me, it's taken me a while to get to this point, but I'm glad I did because now I can have my pickles and you feel like a man. Win win.

While I do have all sorts of girly tendencies and I still think I think like a girl like according to what I said above, I think I was a little more coddled when I was little, though I would also say I kind of have a few masculine ways of doing things. It's funny because I think this is the reason it's hard for me to live with roommates because they want to connect and talk and I'm like eh, I'll be in my room thanks. I have a friend who calls me the "man in our relationship" because she'll ask me about something I give one word answers and I can tell she thinks that's not good enough. I'm sorry to all my females friends, but I've been like that since I was little. My mom says I was the one who asked for fire trucks and dinosaurs even though I still had dolls and Barbies growing up. I think I was coddled a little more than my sister though because I had asthma growing up and so when dad was teaching everyone how to do yard work, I never got to learn because mom didn't want me to start having breathing problems. Thanks mom. But even though I'm quieter, I still think my divine role is to be a mother and I wouldn't trade being a woman, though I could do without the monthly visit from dear old aunt Flo.

Which brings me to something else we discussed: transgender. Now, I don't want to judge anybody too hard, but I just don't think this is right. It really bugs me when people think they can change their gender and then act like they know the struggle. Um, no, you have no idea what it's like to be a woman. Take Bruce Jenner for example, oh excuse me, Caitlyn. It really bugs me when this guy changed himself into a "woman" and then parades around acting like he knows what it's like. You have NO CLUE what it's like to be a woman and it just really bugs me because people are trying to mess with something that has been decreed before our earth life. Gender is an essential characteristic of who we are because we all have different things we were put on earth to accomplish ( https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng )Women are here to give birth to children and give them physical bodies, while men are to provide the spiritual salvation by having the priesthood and giving blessings. Even though we are different, we complete each other and we need each other. In the Bible, it says that Eve was a "help meet" for Adam, but when you look up meet in the Bible Dictionary, meet means something fitting, proper, qualified, and suitable (https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bd/meet?lang=eng&letter=m ). Eve wasn't lower than Adam, she was on his level because she completed him. Men can do a lot of things on their own, but without women, they can't progress and it would be kind of a waste to be on earth.

So all in all, we are male and female for a reason. It is who we are, who we were, and who we will be. It can't be changed and we are all equal in the eyes of the Lord.

Thanks for reading, hopefully you all aren't too offended, and I'll see you next week!

Tradition, tradition!

Howdy! Sorry to be throwing everybody off, but I decided to write my post a bit early this week because we talked about traditions in class today and that just seemed like a really good topic.

And in case anybody was wondering, yes I got the title for this post from a beloved classic "Fiddler on the Roof". (Sidenote: I love musical theater so if I ever say something that sounds like a reference to a musical, it probably is!)

There he is, the man himself, in all his glory. Tevye is awesome!

Anywho, so today we talked about what traditions are and basically what we came up with is a tradition is part of a culture because it is celebrated/held in certain groups and they are inherited patterns of thinking and behavior.

So that got me to thinking, what are some of my traditions that I've picked up? And yes, I brainstormed all of these during class while I was doodling in my notebook and not really paying attention (sorry Bro. Williams). ;)

So I'm sure like me, most of you think traditions have to be something huge like a holiday thing, which a lot of mine are because those are the ones that come to mind first, but one of my fondest memories is every Christmas Eve, we have our family party and by "party" I mean all of us eating a cheese ball and lots of other unhealthy stuff, then we gather round and my Dad reads us "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". It's literally the best thing ever and even though we're adults, I still insist that he read it because my Christmas is not complete without it! AND he always reads it in this Grinch voice that totally rules!

We love it so much that one year we all got our own books! 

AND is this not the best Christmas sweater you've ever seen?? It's green in real life and AWESOME! Oh yeah, we go all out!

And this is probably one of my top 5 favorite movies ever.

But I'm not here to sell you on the Grinch, even though all of you should live and breathe the Grinch. Just sayin'...

Another holiday we like to do things for is Thanksgiving and while I'm on that subject, in my family we DO NOT celebrate Christmas and start decorating until the end of Thanksgiving day, otherwise that's just sacrilege. So what we do is my sister practically makes the whole freakin' meal because she's the Iron Chef of the house and my dad makes these AMAZING rolls that are SO good that I'm starting to drool just thinking about them. Pity I'll be missing them, again, this year. I'm not bitter or anything...

And then another one is not huge, it's something we do every week, but every Sunday we gather around and usually have some big dinner like corned beef and cabbage, roast, or stew during the winter. It's freakin' good. And then because we just have done this for year, we have FHE right after that because my parents just did it for years so it's kind of weird to have FHE on Mondays while I'm at school.

That reminds me of something else we talked about in class today: we talked about marriage and how when people get married, sometimes traditions can be tricky because everyone is so used to doing things their way, that they can scarcely bare to think that they'll have to *gasp* compromise! I mean I'm not married, so I can't judge what I'll be like when I get married, but I do know that if I don't get to spend Christmas Eve with my family at least once...I will be one very unhappy Liz. And not to be a baby about it, but it's hard to let go of what you've known for so many years. I'm sure I'll be able to work something out so I can start new holiday/family traditions, but I hope I still get to carry out some of my traditions with my family someday!

Hey! Why don't you guys interact! Comment below a tradition you had growing up! That would be fun to learn about because it's interesting to see how other families work!

Anyway, as always, have a SUPERB week and I'll see you next week! :)

My Kid is My Therapist

Hello my lovelies...and loveliers? Not sure how to make that sound more masculine, but all the same, hello again! I hope you've all been having a fabulous week! My week has been full of school, work, and laying in my bed every morning saying to myself, "If I don't go today, how much will it effect my grade?" Don't worry, I haven't skipped...yet. ;)

Anyway, so this week in my family relations class, we were talking a little bit about roles people have in their families, unspoken rules in the home, and patterns because we're talking about family systems theory and how the things we do affect our relatives down the line.

So first I think I'll start with roles. I'm not an expert on marriage by any means simply because I am not yet married, so please don't shoot me down. :) In class we talked about how family members often play a certain role and it got me thinking, what was my role growing up? Then I started thinking about the career I am aiming towards which is a family lawyer. In my mind, being a lawyer is basically it's like being the mediator, going in between the judge and the client, or simply just between clients. Whatever the situation calls for, I'm basically there to make sure nobody does anything stupid. And I was thinking, hey, I've basically been doing that my whole life. My siblings liked to use me as the person who went and asked mom a question or if we could do something because I was usually the one who was on mom's good side and so if I asked, she would usually say yes. I was also the person who would go to my siblings and kind of talk to them on a more personal level when they would get mad because otherwise they would probably do something dumb to get themselves grounded. Also I was the person my mom would go to if she wanted to talk about something, not like she didn't talk to my dad a lot, but I guess I was just "on her side" a lot of the time. I think this is fine in some instances, but I can see how it can be damaging because when I was home this past August, one of my dear siblings kindly informed me that I was one of the "feds" (this is a term meaning I am part of "the man" or the people in charge, something like that). Personally, I'm okay with this because I believe that if my siblings tell me something kind of concerning, I should inform my parent because I'm not really the person who should be helping my siblings, it should be my parents.

Nonetheless, it was still kind of awkward to be called a fed because it's like there was a divide in our family. I think a lot of the time, families can feel divided and there are alliances formed in order to back each other up. This can be damaging for a family because we're supposed to be able to talk to each other and be united, not tearing each other down (by the way, I'm quoting my mom here so mom if you're reading, hi, and I listened to you so don't worry). Still, I don't think I'm completely a fed, there are times when I'm just a sibling so I would count myself as a double agent. And what I said before about parents talking to children about issues, I think this is fine if the child is old enough to really understand what is going on, but I don't think it's okay to basically consider them to be a personal therapist. I had an experience when my dad was deployed when my mom really relied on me to basically be a second adult in the house and I remember thinking, "I'm only a kid! I'm not mature enough for this!" Parents, please tell us things and keep us in the loop, we want to be included, but if it's something that pertains to your marriage, please keep it to yourselves and work it out with a professional if necessary. Kids aren't supposed to be the therapist, we're not mature professionals who know what to say and do, plus it kinda divides the parents and makes the situation worse.

Secondly, rules. Now, at first my teacher was like "write down 10 unwritten rules in your family" and I thought this was going to be challenging, but once I started going, it was actually kind of funny to read what I'd written because they were rules that you basically had to live by or else you'd get your head taken off.  I don't want to go into too much detail and write all of them down, but a few that I wrote were, "Don't sass mom during family night, otherwise it leads to a lecture", "don't mess with Ben or he'll tattle which leads to another lecture", and "we expect you to practice the piano because we paid for lessons and if you don't you'll get a lecture about that, but don't practice when we're home because it annoys us because it's loud. So basically never." As you can see, most of the time we tried to avoid anything that led to a lecture because those could go on FORever.

Those might not be too big, but I just thought it was kind of funny to see what really shaped my point of view growing up, especially when it comes to living with roommates because it's tough to live with a bunch of people who grew up differently! Sometimes I wonder if I'll have these rules in my house, but I guess I'll just wait and see.

So I think that's enough of my rambling this week, I hope you all have a good weekend, happy October 3rd tomorrow (Mean Girls day), oh and if you're LDS or not LDS, watch General Conference this weekend! I am so excited to see who the new apostles will be and hear some council from prophets who have been called of God. If you're interested, the sessions are on Saturday from 10AM-12PM, 2PM-4PM and Sunday from 10AM-12PM, 2PM-4PM mountain standard time. Oh and there's also a priesthood session for the guys, but I have no idea what time it's at.

Here's a link if you're interested: https://www.lds.org/?lang=eng

"What Do You Mean Have More Kids"?

Hello all! I apologize if my blog hasn't seemed very interesting in the past week, but since I'm in school, things get a little crazy. Plus I wanted to make sure I knew exactly what I wanted to write about this week (as a head's up, my posts will probably come out on Fridays or Saturdays). Now that we have that cleared up, I'm going to walk you through how this week started.

It started like any other week, go to class, whine about all the homework I have, the whole shebang. Anyway, I walked into my class and basically what I came out with is that I needed to have more children.

Umm...excuse me? Harry, I feel you. I'm just as surprised as you are. 

Now, if anyone reading this knows any Mormon people, you're probably thinking that we all want to have as many children as possible and "multiply and replenish the earth". While that may be true for some people, there are some of us out there who are a little hesitant to have more than a couple kids so when we get told we basically need to think about having more, it's like:

I will say, after this class, I kind of felt a little more inspired to have more, well at least think about it...AND BEFORE ANYONE STARTS LIGHTING THE TORCHES, let me explain myself. 

When I was in high school, I would have considered myself, not a hardcore feminist, but I definitely was in the "I ain't havin' no children and getting married early" boat. My sister and I had talks about this stuff quite frequently because we're girls, it's just a default topic of conversation. Anyway, she is the type of person who naturally loves children and wants at least 6 of her own and to adopt/foster some. I on the other hand, would prefer to observe them from a safe distance. Marriage was something that was on my list, but I wasn't too thrilled about the idea of startin' 'er up right after I got married. So I was like fine, I guess if I must have them I'll have 2 and no more! My sister responded with, "What if your husband wants more" to which I replied, "Hey man, if I'm doin' all the birthin' and incubating for 9 months, I think I should get most of the say right"? So by now you get the idea of what I was like pre college.

So anyway to make a long story short, I came out to BYU-I do fully determined to make it through without getting married. (It's working so far). I went to my religion and family classes fully prepared to be have to sit through hours of sappy "I love my husband and my children...", but I was pleasantly surprised. The more I learned about marriage, parenthood, etc., the more I wanted to get on the bandwagon. I bumped my max child limit to 3 which it is hovering at currently.

Aren't you proud of me? :)

But in all seriousness, I was warming up to the idea that this was going to be part of my life someday and I was happy about it! 

So now that I've caught you up, back to my class. So we had to discuss whether or not we should have more children and I was getting all sorts of comments like "It's between you and your spouse", "The Lord knows how much you can handle" etc. and that's great and all, but I think I know myself pretty well and I just don't think I would be able to have more than 3 kids because that's just what I can handle. I don't want to be that mom who is stressed out and just in a bad mood all the time because the life has been sucked out of me. 

But then, we started diving into the research as to why people, not just Mormons, should have more kids. This is pretty interesting stuff and I honestly think we should take this very seriously. People in general believe that the population of the world is growing and will continue to grow. They've thought this for a long time and even told people to slow down because they didn't want to run out of resources for the people already on the earth. So what happens? People stop having as many kids and now some don't want any ever. The general thought is: "Oh someone else will have them and I'll just live my life now for me". That's great and all, but did you know that the fertility rate is dropping and the world may start to depopulate? I know, scary. In order to keep the world populated, people need to have 2.13 children and right now, the average is 1.8. If this trend continues, we might have to worry about there not being enough people to keep the world going for our kids. 

That had never occurred to me and honestly, it scared me. What if the population started to decrease? What would the world be like for my children?

Now, I'm not here to scare anyone into having more because that's just not going to happen; people have a choice whether to have them or not, but just think about that for a minute. It might seem ideal to live alone and not have to worry about kids, but actually people who live alone have higher levels of depression because believe it or not, humans are social beings and therefore we need human interaction and the best way to get it is through family because we're surrounded by them and they make us happy. And if you say you'll be happier without them, think again. Think about old people who don't have grandchildren. Don't you think they wish they'd of had children instead of pursuing a career? Because in the end the career ended with retirement and they were just sitting there, alone, with nobody to pass the family name to. 

To me, that sounds really sad. But that still doesn't mean that I'm not afraid to have kids because that is a HUGE step. I used to ask my mom all the time what I would do when I got out of the hospital because once you check out, it's just you, your spouse, and your kid. Alone. With no "How to Raise a Child" book. And that's why I think kids scare me so much. I just don't want to completely mess up and have them turn out to be bums. 

This class definitely helped me rethink my "3 kids max" policy, but that doesn't take away the fear. I don't think Heavenly Father thinks I'm going to mess up because when I received my Patriarchal blessing (for all of you who don't know what that is, it's basically some direction from the Lord about your life, it doesn't say exactly what is going to happen, but it basically just talks about how much the Lord loves you and how He believes in you). I was told that I would be an excellent mother someday and my children would be able to learn by my example. I don't want to say too much because it's sacred and very personal, but that is something that I have been told. So the Lord trusts me with His children, but do I trust myself? Over the summer, I also had a very distinct dream where I was running around playing with a little blonde girl. Now this little girl looked very familiar to me, but I had no idea who she was. I just knew that I loved her more than I can ever describe here. So I told my mom about it and she said that it basically meant I was going to be a good mom. 

So at least twice now I've had some sort of confirmation that I have nothing to fear, but I'm still afraid. So also during the summer, I was helping my mom in her classroom because she teaches very cute little 2nd graders and at first I was pretty hesitant to go up to them, but they just come up to you! They are so happy to just wave and smile at you and it's kind of contagious. Some of them, even the little trouble makers, started creeping their way into my heart and I was actually sad to leave them and come back to school. 

So you may be wondering, am I going to have more children than I have planned? I honestly don't know. I believe the Lord won't give me more than I can handle, but maybe He'll try to push me because He knows who I am and what I'm capable of. I think it has definitely helped to have so many instances where I have been with kids and haven't had any problems, but I think I'm slowly getting there. I don't know how many kids I'll end up having, but I know I'll be able to care for all of them and they'll be special to me. 

And to all my readers, if you're thinking about not having any kids or are afraid like me, don't be! Though the idea might be scary, I have faith that all of you will be excellent parents and if you just trust the Lord, it'll all work out.

Thank you for reading and I'll see you next week! :)