I've Got the Blues

Happy Halloween this weekend! I hope everyone is excited to go out and have some fun that night! If any of you are wondering what I'm going to be, today is the big reveal because I promised you last week! So I'm going to be the 1939 Wicked Witch of the East. Yes folks you read that right. I'm going to be this one

minus the house. It's a pretty simple costume, all I really need are tights and red shoes which I have, but I'm going to jazz it up with a little green nail polish and a witch hat just to add to the costume. I guess it would make more sense to walk around as a house with feet, but eh, too much work. My inner Wizard of Oz fan girl is totally fan girling at this moment because I was in love with the Wizard of Oz when I was little. I think this will be the second time in my life I'm going as something Wizard of Oz themed.

Anyway, so this week I've got the blues, and no, not depression blues and I'm not singing about the blues, we're talking baby blues. And no, I'm not married and have never had a kid so not really, I just thought it would be creative.

This week we talked a lot about how after the children are born, a couple's relationship takes a strain and it goes down every time a new child is brought into the family. Like I said before, I've never had a kid strain my relationship with my invisible man so I can't say for sure this happens to everyone, but I would say this is pretty true for a lot of people.

Now, we talked in class about martial satisfaction going down because women tend to really bond with their baby and spend so much time with them that the husband starts to feel neglected. I think this would be very true for my relationship because I am the type of person who can only take so much touching and people in my space before I start to feel drained. I think if I spent a lot of my time with my baby, I probably wouldn't want to be touched by my spouse because I would just want some personal space. I could see that bringing my husband's satisfaction down because even though I had a baby and spend a lot of time with it, he still needs that physical love from me (and no not just sex), like hugs, kisses, cuddles, the whole enchilada. While I think it's not fair for me to not want to be touched all the time, I think I will need some time where I'm just by myself to recharge. I'm not saying I'll never be available for him, I just need some hands off time. I would kind of describe myself as being like a cat. When I want to be touched I am all for it, but when I don't want to be touched, well it looks a little like this:

Scary right? I don't think that would be fair of me to make my husband live like that, not knowing how to react to me or when to even talk to me. I think this is something I need to improve with because it's not fair of me to expect him to be available when I feel like it, but not be available for him.

So the other important part of avoiding the baby blues is involving the husband in every step of the way. I don't know what it's like to be pregnant, but I can assume that the man probably doesn't know what it's like either and so he can't relate to his wife and doesn't experience having a baby in the same way. I think the baby isn't real for the guy until it's actually put into his arms at this hospital. I mean, I'm sure he notices his wife changing, but he can't feel all the changes. I think one important thing a wife can do is let him feel when the baby is kicking because the mom feels it all the time and so it's probably second nature to her, but he doesn't feel it kick and so if he feels it, I think the baby will become more real to him. I also think it's important that the wife involves the husband in shopping and preparing for the baby. I think a lot of women assume he's not going to be interested in shopping for the baby and so they do it all themselves, but I think that's just because they haven't interested him in a way he'll respond to. I'm sure if you phrased it as "what do you think OUR baby should have?" he would definitely want to be involved because now it's his baby just as much as yours. And you never know, he could find the shopping experience enjoyable. But let him have the opportunity to surprise you. Also last point, I think there could be tension in the relationship if the wife is constantly at him for not doing things right with the baby. I know moms probably have a more ingrained sense of what to do, but if it's a first baby and I was the guy, I would be a little annoyed with her because it's like "Do you really know what you're even doing?" Just because he doesn't do something your way doesn't mean it's wrong, it's just a different way of doing it. Maybe he's afraid of hurting the baby and you yelling at him is only making it worse. So just cut him some slack and take a chill pill. I don't think he's intentionally trying to hurt the baby. RELAX.

So I think that's all I have to say about that. I mean I'm not a mom and I'm not married so if I'm wrong, don't quote me on any of this, but I think these are some good tips to keep in mind because marriage isn't going to be a cake walk all the time and if the baby gets in the way, it could make life miserable for both of you. Spend some time connecting and I'm sure your relationship will make it through the child stages. Also, have a happy Halloween and I'll see you next week!

Love,

Liz

P.S. The pictures are from Google.