Gimme Gimme Gimme I Need I Need I Need

Hello all my lovely viewers! Boy, let me be the first one to toss the harpoon and say this week has been EXHAUSTING! I mean not to be all whiny, but I was not exactly thrilled about coming back to school from Thanksgiving break and I could have used a few more days. But I guess it won't do any good to complain about it so I guess I'll just use this time to gush about my break! So to start, I went down to Utah and stayed with my paternal grandparents and we wasted no time getting out of Rexburg. They actually joked and said, "We were sure you'd be sitting on the ledge outside your apartment just waiting for us" which is partly true except I wasn't outside because baby, it's cold outside! OHHHHHH YES it feels so good to get to quote cheesy lyrics from Christmas music! I think I actually started listening to it on November 30th because I just couldn't wait anymore. Some of my favorite artists have been Michael Buble, Bing Crosby, MoTab (obvi, I mean I AM LDS...), the Piano Guys, and please don't shoot me down for this but...Justin Bieber. Yes I said it and I'm not going to repeat myself so I'll just move on with my story. So when we got to Utah my grandparents decided to go computer shopping FINALLY because theirs was SO old and with the tech wizard around who provided free set up, why the heck not right? So we got this really sleek desktop from HP (fav brand) and that thing is nice. So we brought it home and I set it up and then I spent all night fiddling with it and may have discovered I have workaholic tendencies because I actually forgot to eat for a while...part of all the staying up was because my grandparents want to get more into genealogy and I was trying to set up their LDS.org accounts, but for some reason my Gramps' membership number wouldn't work so I just had to call it a night.

So the next day was Thanksgiving and we had my uncle's family over since my grandparents only have my dad and my uncle so we are pretty small in numbers on that side of the family. Let me just say I think I'm the one who ate the most of everything (especially pie) so boys if you want to take me to a restaurant I promise I will eat all my food and I'll eat it really fast and then stare at you because I'm done eating which really means sharing is caring... ;)

So then on Friday my grandparents finally had me sit down with them so I could show them how to use their new computer and let me just say this was one of those times when you wanted to have a pillow handy to scream into. I swear the simplest things like just clicking on an icon, my grandma would be like "but I just don't see how you got to that" *head desk over and over* I love my grandparents, but they just aren't brave when it comes to technology. They kept saying I could do it because I'm smart and am young and I was like no, young people don't know what we're doing either, we're just willing to sit down and take risks by figuring the thing out. I happened to be on my grandparents' computer again and I was able to figure out my Gramps' LDS account finally! I went on there and said I forgot my username and it said it had already been registered under "1stMcTavish" and so I just switched it to my Gramps' new info and then walked out and was like "Well I figured out your LDS account. Apparently some idiot tried to register it and it was under this 1stMcTavish username". My Gramps then said "Oh that must have been me because I had to use it for a church calling at one point and I must have forgotten". I left the room and my grandma was like "Ha so you're the idiot". Needless to say she got a kick out of that. *face palm Liz* I also got to go see Mockingjay part 2 that night with my mom's side of the family and it was FREAKING INTENSE!! Like my aunt and I were on the edges of our seats with our coats up because it was like I CAN'T WATCH BUT I CAN'T TAKE MY EYES AWAY!!!!!! So then I came back to Idaho and that was the end of my weekend. All in all, a great break and I wish I could go back, but this just means we are closer to Christmas and I can listen to all the Christmas music I want AND I CAN DRINK ALL THE NOG I WANT AND I CAN BREAK OUT MY GRINCH SWEATER!!!!!!! OH YESSSSS!!!!! Sorry for so many stressed phrases, but this time of year is just my favorite!!

Anyway, I feel like I should probably get to the main point of my post and not bore you to death with my stories. So this week we've been talking about parenting, especially needs. Basically the main point was a lot of times, parents focus too much on the behaviors of their children and they try to correct these when they should be trying to find out the needs of the child because they could be acting out because they are in need. So now I'm going to throw in a scene from What About Bob because a) it's a great film and b) it's freaking awesome and c) I think it really applies.

This part just gets me every time! Bob is acting exactly like a needy child because he's really annoying so he's trying to get attention from Dr. Marvin because he's in really bad shape. :) We discussed how children have 5 basic needs: contact, power, protection, withdrawal, and challenge. So 1. children need to have contact from their parents or better yet, have a sense of belonging. This could mean anything, but mostly when I think of this I think of physically being there for your child. As parents we also should never hold it from them as punishment and we should give them opportunities to contribute so they feel like they are a valuable part of the family. 2) Children need to have some sense of power in their lives. They need to be able to make choices and experiment. But along with this, the parent also needs to teach them about choices having consequences and let their children be a part of deciding what their consequence should be. For the most part, parents should let their children make their own choices, but there are 3 instances where this is totally inappropriate: exceptions are too dangerous meaning the child could get hurt, it has gone too far, and others are going to be affected. Other than that, ease off the throttle and if your daughter wants to wear orange with purple, let her make that choice. 

3) Children need to have protection and this means they need to learn to be assertive. Sometimes they'll have to stand up for themselves and they need to know how to confront people in a nice way about problems. 4) Withdrawal is key because they need alone time. I know my I crave my alone time because it is the best way for me to recharge my batteries after a long day. Kids need to learn when they should take healthy breaks and then be ready to jump back into work. And 5) challenge. Kids need to take on new things because it makes them feel good when they've done something they never thought would be possible! Don't you remember a time when you just felt like doing your happy dance because you did it?! (Mine usually goes like this...) 

I know, classy right?

But in all seriousness, doing hard things build skills and makes them feel good about themselves! And we all want happy kids right? So now that we know all this, now what?

Well going back to choices, sometimes as the parent it's hard to deal with the behaviors of our children and sometimes they make bad choices in the heat of the moment. What's a parent to do if their child has a problem? Well first the parent should give them a polite request to let them know they need to knock it off, then they should use "I" statements to let their child know how it makes them feel, then they should use a firmer statement, and if all else fails, logical consequences. Logical consequences should be:

• planned in advance
• involve the child
• give if/then, when/then choices
• logically connected to natural consequence
• give choice once, then act
• be firm and friendly
• choices you can live with
• let child try again

So we're not trying to tear our child down, we're trying to help them. And it doesn't help if you ask what their consequence should be and they say something like "burn my bike in front of me" if they leave it out repeatedly.

And while this does look appealing at times...

DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!! That's not nice and I REALLY don't think you could live with yourself if you burned your child's bike.

So lesson to be learned here: kids have needs and they need to be met. Bottom line. 

Anywho, I hope you all have a fantastic weekend and I'll see you next week!

Love,

Liz

P.S. Gifs from Google and videos from YouTube.