Goodbye May Seem Forever

I really can't believe the semester is over! It seems like it just barely begun and now we're beginning to wrap up and move on. Well, I just want to take the time to thank everyone who has made comments and even taken the time to read my blog! It's nice to know that it's actually getting out and making a difference! I have really enjoyed doing this over the course of this semester and while at the beginning I was grumbling quite a bit, I have actually learned so much about the family just by spewing out my thoughts and what I've been learning. I think the main take away from this is family life is going to be tough! I think even now I have this ideal picture of what it's going to be like to be married and have kids, but that is not reality! It's going to be HARD WORK to be a wife and mother because relationships aren't something that can just be all hunky dory all the time and fix themselves overnight. They take a lot of time and we need to make sure we are doing 100% to make it work. Obviously as you guys know I'm not married and so I get a lot of what marriage will be like based off of idealistic couples on the Internet, movies, people I know, but what I have to realize is I'm only seeing the parts they want to show people. Everyone has their disagreements and nobody is going to be runway worthy all the time. I think if I go into my future marriage with a positive, but realistic attitude, it will definitely be in my best interest and it will be happier. Today I heard a quote that went something like this: "expectations lead to frustrations". Don't know who that's by, but I agree with it! If we have all these false ideas in our heads, they're only going to make us compare our spouses to false ideals that they will NEVER be able to live up to in this life and we'll just get let down by ourselves. I think families are so worth the effort and I love mine and can't wait to find a man and get started on my own, but it will be hard.

Anyway, thanks again for reading and will I keep up with this blog? I don't know! Honestly it has been so much fun to just rant about things that are happening in life or talk about what goes on in more detail so I think you'll be hearing from me in the future, maybe when I have something interesting to say (like future men).

I love all of you and I'll talk to you soon!

Love,

Liz

For Better or For Worse?

Hello all you lovely people! Uh it seems like the semester is just wrapping up so quickly and in some ways I wish it would slow down, but I'm just so excited to get back to Virginia to be with my family this year for Christmas. Last year I ended up staying out in Idaho to be a bridesmaid for a friend and I had to miss Christmas so I think this year I'm just so much more grateful for the opportunity to get to be with them because it's hard to be away during the holidays. And even though I'm excited for Christmas, I haven't actually done very many Christmasy things. I mean I have baked tons of cookies, put up a little Grinch dude in my room, watched "White Christmas", and listened to a bunch of Christmas albums already, but I feel like I never properly so I need to get on that! Though I will be purchasing some nog tonight so that's exciting.

So I just realized I haven't updated you on the guy situation. So it turns out it wasn't going to work out which honestly, is alright by me. I mean, in some ways it would have been nice to have gone on some dates, but it just wasn't going to pan out. I actually ended up Googling "how to become a nun" the other day while I was watching The Sound of Music because I just was so sick of boys. Don't worry, I'm not actually depressed about it, I just think it's funny to talk about it like it's the end of the world. But some other exciting news is I'm going to get endowed when I get home which will be so cool because I'm going to go through with my brother and some people have asked me why I'm doing it when I'm not going on a mission or getting married and the simple way to answer that question is: I just feel like this is something I need to do at this point in my life and I shouldn't hold back just because I'm not getting married. I feel like I keep putting things off because I'm expecting to be married by this time, but I've been learning that my time table hasn't been working and I really just need to follow the Lord's plan for me because He ultimately knows when things like marriage need to happen so I should just focus on getting my own life going and then I think it'll just happen. Or so I've heard, people tell me it usually happens when they're not expecting it.

Anyway, this week we talked about divorce and remarriage which I think it a sad topic because families being broken up just seems like a sad situation. I am so lucky that I got to grow up in a home where my parents stayed together so I can't say I really know what it's like to go through a divorce, but I'm sure it's tough. We've been learning that a lot more people seem to be getting divorced now and because of the no-fault divorce thing, people can basically just end their marriage because they feel like it. A lot of people end up getting back into some type of romantic relationship because everyone wants love in their life, which means blended families. I don't know what it's like to be part of a blended family, but I would assume that it would take some adjusting. A lot of times people have a hard time with it because they don't want this new person to take the place of their own parent and they just have a lot of mixed feelings towards this relationship. I feel like some people have a lot of success with this because they have a system worked out and they blend well, while others just don't get a long and the new couple's relationship can start to crumble because they are more concerned about how well their kids are getting a long together.

I don't have much advice about what to do in a situation like this, but I would advise that if people are wanting to get a divorce, they should really consider if it's worth it because a lot of times they can cause a lot more damage and it can take time to heal. I think a lot of people forget the commitment they made and when times get tough, they just want the easy way out of the relationship, but divorce is never the easy way. If you're struggling with this, go back over your vows and really evaluate if you could do more to help the relationship because most divorces happen because of selfishness. Try to mend it before you end it.

Anyway, I hope you all have a great week!

Love,

Liz

Gimme Gimme Gimme I Need I Need I Need

Hello all my lovely viewers! Boy, let me be the first one to toss the harpoon and say this week has been EXHAUSTING! I mean not to be all whiny, but I was not exactly thrilled about coming back to school from Thanksgiving break and I could have used a few more days. But I guess it won't do any good to complain about it so I guess I'll just use this time to gush about my break! So to start, I went down to Utah and stayed with my paternal grandparents and we wasted no time getting out of Rexburg. They actually joked and said, "We were sure you'd be sitting on the ledge outside your apartment just waiting for us" which is partly true except I wasn't outside because baby, it's cold outside! OHHHHHH YES it feels so good to get to quote cheesy lyrics from Christmas music! I think I actually started listening to it on November 30th because I just couldn't wait anymore. Some of my favorite artists have been Michael Buble, Bing Crosby, MoTab (obvi, I mean I AM LDS...), the Piano Guys, and please don't shoot me down for this but...Justin Bieber. Yes I said it and I'm not going to repeat myself so I'll just move on with my story. So when we got to Utah my grandparents decided to go computer shopping FINALLY because theirs was SO old and with the tech wizard around who provided free set up, why the heck not right? So we got this really sleek desktop from HP (fav brand) and that thing is nice. So we brought it home and I set it up and then I spent all night fiddling with it and may have discovered I have workaholic tendencies because I actually forgot to eat for a while...part of all the staying up was because my grandparents want to get more into genealogy and I was trying to set up their LDS.org accounts, but for some reason my Gramps' membership number wouldn't work so I just had to call it a night.

So the next day was Thanksgiving and we had my uncle's family over since my grandparents only have my dad and my uncle so we are pretty small in numbers on that side of the family. Let me just say I think I'm the one who ate the most of everything (especially pie) so boys if you want to take me to a restaurant I promise I will eat all my food and I'll eat it really fast and then stare at you because I'm done eating which really means sharing is caring... ;)

So then on Friday my grandparents finally had me sit down with them so I could show them how to use their new computer and let me just say this was one of those times when you wanted to have a pillow handy to scream into. I swear the simplest things like just clicking on an icon, my grandma would be like "but I just don't see how you got to that" *head desk over and over* I love my grandparents, but they just aren't brave when it comes to technology. They kept saying I could do it because I'm smart and am young and I was like no, young people don't know what we're doing either, we're just willing to sit down and take risks by figuring the thing out. I happened to be on my grandparents' computer again and I was able to figure out my Gramps' LDS account finally! I went on there and said I forgot my username and it said it had already been registered under "1stMcTavish" and so I just switched it to my Gramps' new info and then walked out and was like "Well I figured out your LDS account. Apparently some idiot tried to register it and it was under this 1stMcTavish username". My Gramps then said "Oh that must have been me because I had to use it for a church calling at one point and I must have forgotten". I left the room and my grandma was like "Ha so you're the idiot". Needless to say she got a kick out of that. *face palm Liz* I also got to go see Mockingjay part 2 that night with my mom's side of the family and it was FREAKING INTENSE!! Like my aunt and I were on the edges of our seats with our coats up because it was like I CAN'T WATCH BUT I CAN'T TAKE MY EYES AWAY!!!!!! So then I came back to Idaho and that was the end of my weekend. All in all, a great break and I wish I could go back, but this just means we are closer to Christmas and I can listen to all the Christmas music I want AND I CAN DRINK ALL THE NOG I WANT AND I CAN BREAK OUT MY GRINCH SWEATER!!!!!!! OH YESSSSS!!!!! Sorry for so many stressed phrases, but this time of year is just my favorite!!

Anyway, I feel like I should probably get to the main point of my post and not bore you to death with my stories. So this week we've been talking about parenting, especially needs. Basically the main point was a lot of times, parents focus too much on the behaviors of their children and they try to correct these when they should be trying to find out the needs of the child because they could be acting out because they are in need. So now I'm going to throw in a scene from What About Bob because a) it's a great film and b) it's freaking awesome and c) I think it really applies.

This part just gets me every time! Bob is acting exactly like a needy child because he's really annoying so he's trying to get attention from Dr. Marvin because he's in really bad shape. :) We discussed how children have 5 basic needs: contact, power, protection, withdrawal, and challenge. So 1. children need to have contact from their parents or better yet, have a sense of belonging. This could mean anything, but mostly when I think of this I think of physically being there for your child. As parents we also should never hold it from them as punishment and we should give them opportunities to contribute so they feel like they are a valuable part of the family. 2) Children need to have some sense of power in their lives. They need to be able to make choices and experiment. But along with this, the parent also needs to teach them about choices having consequences and let their children be a part of deciding what their consequence should be. For the most part, parents should let their children make their own choices, but there are 3 instances where this is totally inappropriate: exceptions are too dangerous meaning the child could get hurt, it has gone too far, and others are going to be affected. Other than that, ease off the throttle and if your daughter wants to wear orange with purple, let her make that choice. 

3) Children need to have protection and this means they need to learn to be assertive. Sometimes they'll have to stand up for themselves and they need to know how to confront people in a nice way about problems. 4) Withdrawal is key because they need alone time. I know my I crave my alone time because it is the best way for me to recharge my batteries after a long day. Kids need to learn when they should take healthy breaks and then be ready to jump back into work. And 5) challenge. Kids need to take on new things because it makes them feel good when they've done something they never thought would be possible! Don't you remember a time when you just felt like doing your happy dance because you did it?! (Mine usually goes like this...) 

I know, classy right?

But in all seriousness, doing hard things build skills and makes them feel good about themselves! And we all want happy kids right? So now that we know all this, now what?

Well going back to choices, sometimes as the parent it's hard to deal with the behaviors of our children and sometimes they make bad choices in the heat of the moment. What's a parent to do if their child has a problem? Well first the parent should give them a polite request to let them know they need to knock it off, then they should use "I" statements to let their child know how it makes them feel, then they should use a firmer statement, and if all else fails, logical consequences. Logical consequences should be:

• planned in advance
• involve the child
• give if/then, when/then choices
• logically connected to natural consequence
• give choice once, then act
• be firm and friendly
• choices you can live with
• let child try again

So we're not trying to tear our child down, we're trying to help them. And it doesn't help if you ask what their consequence should be and they say something like "burn my bike in front of me" if they leave it out repeatedly.

And while this does look appealing at times...

DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!! That's not nice and I REALLY don't think you could live with yourself if you burned your child's bike.

So lesson to be learned here: kids have needs and they need to be met. Bottom line. 

Anywho, I hope you all have a fantastic weekend and I'll see you next week!

Love,

Liz

P.S. Gifs from Google and videos from YouTube.